History

We all have it. Some of us run away from it, some of us deal with it, some of us sift through it and so on and so on.

Today I'm returning to Atlanta for the first time since I left my husband almost two years ago. Ironically I'm returning for my friend's wedding.

Mostly I am excited to see her and to see another friend of mine. However there is a part of me that is a bit apprehensive about returning to the city I all but vowed never to return to.

In thinking about how I might deal with this trip (though I'm fairly certain that as much as one tries to prepare for something like this, one can never really know what emotions and feelings await them upon arrival) it occurred to me that actually I think of him more when I return to Chapel Hill and Durham that I do when I think of Atlanta.

In short - here's hoping that this weekend is a fantastic reunion of friends and celebration of a very special day. Oh and that I capture the best images of a wedding to date :)

I'll let you know how it went and post pics when I get back.

Dreams

I just realized something for the first time. I've thought about it before, but it didn't really hit me until just now - nearly a year after the actual event took place.

The realization came because of something I watched. I've been bumming around because I've been sad so I'm allowed to watch sappy old favorites like the thing I just watched - Felicity.

When it first aired I loved that show (and must admit unlike other things that I've revisited - I still love it). Mostly what I remembered about watching it was the love stories and the coming of age journey that Felicity went through.

What I had forgotten is this: When I watched that show it didn't just pull at my heart strings because I felt like I could relate to some things she was going through, it pulled at my heart in general. I wanted to be her - I wanted to go to NYU and most of all I wanted to live in NY. That desire burned in me when I was a girl as much as one pines for love from another they haven't yet experienced being with.

This city can be tough, yes. But with all of its ups and downs and the numerous life experiences (and trials) I've had while living here - it is still the city I love.

I've moved to NY! And if nothing else I can be happy about this one thing today. I guess until I'd lived here for a while it was like a dream. I didn't really believe it could be true, like something horrible was going to happen to pull me away at any moment. Now it has almost been a year and I'm still here - still loving it.

One life goal down, looking forward to achieving some other ones.

Alone

I sleep in a t-shirt and pj pants - the replacement for the warmth that used to accompany my rest.

It has been said that my fault in this matter was that I loved too much. If that is the case then so be it. I would rather be accused of that than of treating someone cruelly.

An almost spring like rain has fallen on NY today. I hope that it will wash away my pain.

Thank the gods that the sky is crying because I can't cry myself anymore. I'm empty and dry and hollow.

Hopefully future adventures will fill that emptiness with love and light and happiness.

The reminders of what I have lost are still around me, I hope they will be taken away soon.

All I can hope for now is some justice, some clarity, some truth to come out of this and in the end it would be nice if an apology was given.

But I won't hold my breath. It is hard to take one in anyway without the burden of waiting and wondering for something that probably won't happen.

Here's to karma - from my point of view it would be nice if she started paying some kind attention to me soon, and giving to others what they deserve as well.

Soon to follow more reports of other more favorable adventures.