UpSwing

Just for kicks here's a pic I took of myself the other night. Part of a new project I hope takes off...

And now my thoughts for the day:


I've always wanted to be....

Great at doing my make-up.

Be a great speller.

Have a fantastic memory.

Be able to quote authors at the drop of a hat.

Be able to write really timeless love songs - or really great songs of any type.

Be a published writer.

Be the type of person that really has their shit together all the time.

Be able to decide what I want to do and then see that project or goal through to the end.

Be really great at saying no without hurting someone's feelings.

Be the type of person who can balance enjoying being busy and being calm.

Be so famous that people read this type of list and relate to it and kind of feel like they know me a bit more because they've always wanted to.

From One Extreme to...

I woke up smiling.

Amazing how things can change so quickly. The sun came out finally and with it my heart has the giddy anticipation of spring and good things to come.

I'm preparing for my next trip which is tomorrow. For once I find that I have more interest in staying here in NY than in traveling to Paris.

New York Crazy

Riding the subway yesterday afternoon it dawned on me that I was humming...in public. Seeing the crazy people on the subway who talk to themselves, sing to the tune in their head and preach the local patois to anyone within ear shot, I wouldn't say I identified with them.

Yesterday I finally felt I had a small understanding of what might compel them to act the way they do.

My adventure out was the first in four days. Four long days spent locked up in my room, reading, writing blogs, chatting with people online, but not speaking to anyone in person.

After several days of this it was as if my brain hadn't registered that indeed there were living breathing people around once again and that they could in fact hear me.

But living breathing people - let's think about that for a minute. One of the things I love about NY is that you can be as anonymous as you want to be. The catch that I hadn't really thought about is that this works in two directions. People can, and most of the time will, ignore you. They won't strike up a conversation. They won't smile. They won't even acknowledge that you exist if you happen to be between them and the door to their train stop - they treat you like just another iron beam holding up the ceiling of W4th street station.

After a while, it doesn't really matter if you are humming to yourself or screaming out loud for that matter - people don't listen, don't care and it's NYC so why should they. Crazy shit happens here all the time. But it did occur to me, perhaps the people that talk to themselves on the subway are just that lonely. Maybe they haven't had anyone to talk to for so long that their internal dialogue being external and no one was around for the first few weeks to alert them to this or respond.

In the hopes of not becoming the crazy lady on the train I thought about some solutions. So being alone, how does one meet new people? And the more important question for me became - how do you act, upon meeting these people? I've never had to tell myself (in my head this time thank goodness) not to be socially awkward. Not to look like I'm starved for human contact and that anyone to talk with would be most welcome.

Though I will admit it was with some difficulty, I did manage to converse with others at the art exhibit I went to without becoming "one of those people."

I'm happy to report that not only did I manage this new skill, but I also got to the point where I was ok with being alone and thought more of the type of people I would want to spend my time with than who I could meet in general.

It might seem like an odd set of things to ponder to some, but when faced with this whole new social situation - my life as a new comer to NYC and not knowing more than two people here - I realized that I've never been alone. Not really alone. I've had a parent, friends, class mates, co-workers, a husband, a boyfriend...someone there with me. Which has indeed been good, but it is also I think important to face something daunting like NYC on ones own.

So at the end of all this thinking and worrying I discovered that once again the city is making me stronger. Of course I will not totally loose it being on my own. And shock of all shocks - I might actually enjoy it after a while. And besides some good lessons learned...I saw some very intersting and worthwhile artwork.

Actually it was wonderful - I treated myself to 5 1/2 hours of nothing but great art. Most of this was film, and two of the pieces were quite amazing.
The first is called Beyond Guilt Trilogy and they have a website for it: http://www.beyond-guilt.com/
The film is of course in three parts. Each part focusing on the effects of war on sexuality. To explore this topic the women who made the film used three different settings - the first being public bathrooms, the second a hotel room where men arrived who had responded to an online ad the women had posted for sex, and the third another hotel room where they had a hooker meet them and they paid her to talk about her experiences.

I'd not seen anyone explore this topic and thought that their findings were not only compelling but very important for any nation involved in a war to pay attention to.

The second film is called Operation Atropos by Coco Fusco and you can watch it here: http://www.vdb.org/smackn.acgi$tapedetail?OPERATIONA

Coco Fusco took seven women including herself to a camp where retired interegators for the US Army do a training day in which one experiences what it feels like to be a POW. They have some restrictions of course, but mostly the interegators treat their prisoners as such - stress positions, hoods, cuffs, dark rooms where the women were interogated alone with very large angry men.

I thought it was a very interesting look at not only what happens when people are put into a situation like this, but more importantly as a glimse into what our military is doing to the prisoners overseas and perhaps even in our own country.

Other than that one of the most compelling things I saw on the wall - plexiglass cubes with blood spattered in beautiful designs, kept from oxydizing by copper.

That and what looked just like bubble wrap but was actually glass.

A day spent as a spectator, of art and of myself.

Making me Feel Better About 2008

In a discussion I had with a friend last night I/we had a moment where we realized that almost a year has gone by since I moved back to NC from Atlanta.

The panic that set in at the idea of having "lost" a full year almost was alleviated by one thought: "What new experiences have I had this year?"

To which I was able to answer:

First time I...

Left a bad relationship for good.

Died my hair (highlights, I did them last night)

Traveled to England, Amsterdam, Boston and Toronto

Worked for myself

Had a relationship that I can honestly look back on and feel good about

Got a job I desperately wanted and had to work hard to get

Moved to a new State on my own

Joined an underground dinner party group and attended one dinner...yum and what fun

Had a photographer do a session with me where I was the model (and shock of all shocks I posed nude - sorry Mom and Dad if that is a bit more than you wanted to know)

Had my first show as a photographer

Sold my first pieces of art work

Made new friends on my own as an adult (I know this sounds silly, but making friends in Atlanta is hard and even harder when you have a crazy husband)

Finally read Harry Potter

New clubs in Boston and Manhattan - loved most of them (danced on the bar at Coyote Ugly - crazy fun)

Saw my first Burlesque show

Saw Leonard Cohen in concert (thank you, thank you, thank you Joseph!!!)

Sold my truck (never actually sold a vehicle before, odd, but true)

Got my first real piercing

Took a Salsa class

Tried Dragon Fruit (sooo good)

Purchased my first knock off designer bag from a back room in China Town

Learned several programs for editing photographs

Rented two places I wanted to live in (still haven't ever lived on my own, that might be next year, we'll have to see)

Navigated the NYC subway on my own

Had to give up a dog that I still dearly miss because it was and is better for her to be with another family

Found a way to be thankful for all of the help I received from my friends and family in doing all of the above without feeling guilty for not being able to give as much back in return (this was, and still sometimes is, a big deal for me).

So not a horrible year all in all. A few things are now on the "yes I have actually done that" list that I certainly wanted to be added. So many more to go though. Which brings me to my next section - what am I going to do this year?

This year I set out to accomplish/experience the following:

Go to Greece, Bali and part of Thailand. As well as explore as much of Amsterdam and Paris as I can. I'd also like to get to Morocco and at least one country with my Mom (her choice since I travel so much already).

Visit my Grandparents in New Mexico

Actually start being healthy again - drink less, stop smoking, work out, loose weight etc. etc.

Have a major break through with my photography so I can do that for a living instead of working as a flight attendant

Go to as many theatre events, gallery openings, museums and cultural events in general as I can.

Get another piercing, possibly a tattoo (I've not decided on that second part yet)

Move my dog back in with me - I really miss Natalie!

Find a lasting healthy wonderful relationship that works for me and the other party involved (if that is I want to be in a relationship at all, which I'm a bit on the fence about at the moment, but ultimately I think I do want that)

Get a divorce (I guess rationally this one might need to come before the "find a relationship" bit, but what can I say, divorce hasn't really been on the top of my list lately)

Get the mole on my face removed (not sure if I will be able to afford this one, but it would be so nice to have done)

Go and see the band IAMX perform in Paris (please let me have a trip to Paris where I'm there for the night they play!)

See a band at The Knitting Factory

Continue living in NYC in the LES if that is really the district I end up loving

Try as many new foods as possible

Wait for what I really want instead of what is right in front of me that I feel like I should do because of boredom, or the fear of missing something I shouldn't

and...

That is all I can think to put on the list right now.
Here's to some hard work, good fun and as much packed into the next 365 as possible :)

A Welcome Friend In NY

Visiting NC over Christmas was wonderful. Seeing friends and family, going out to comfortable bars and restaurants I know so well was just that - comfortable.

But I didn't move to NY to be comfortable. I moved to New York to experience new things. To explore and find things that inspire, make me want to do and be more.

On major complaint about being in NY so far though - I haven't had enough friends to share it with.

This weekend I have been treated to something I hoped would happen and I've been waiting for. A friend came up to share New York with me :)

Danielle Anthony is a fabulous photographer and great friend and this weekend she let me drag her around through the cold to see some of the sights and sounds that I have come to love so much.

Danielle Anthony reading up on the latest New York has to offer.

Danielle at work -


Thursday night Danielle's friend Jerry took us to the beautiful restaurant he works at called Tabla. We were treated like queens and enjoyed every minute of it :)
Really, everyone was so nice to us and the food was wonderful. After several courses - a tasting menu really - and a few glasses of wine, we were ready for our long subway ride home and honestly bed.

Friday I was in training all day (got my wings so I'm official to fly now - but I'l blog about that later) so Danielle got to hang out with her friend Jerry again. That night when I got home she had made friends with my roommate Jess - amazingly the girl come to town and has more people than I do :)

Saturday was the whirlwind tour of NYC - Broadway, Chinatown, and basically anywhere inbetween we could get our hands on.

We started the day by taking Danielle to Bumble and Bumble for a hair cut. Not just any salon - of course it wouldn't be, it is B&B in NYC! - the 8th floor is the waiting area - a full cafe free of charge, cushy sofa, and mod chairs to louge in all looking over the most beautiful view of the city.

Danielle went off for her tranformation and happily kicked back in the most beautiful sloaped lounge chair. Delicious!

Next on the list of fabulous treats Saturday brought us was a shop called Soapology. I'd been wanting to get this body scrub with olive oil to hopefully help my skin out with this amazing winter weather. On seeing the shop I remembered another shop I had been to that does this hand washing deal that leaves your hands feeling like heaven. Dragging Danielle behind me, we entered the white, homey, but modern shop and found ourselves greeted by a lovely sales lady, ready to pamper our red, dry cold hands with all sorts of oils and scrubs.

Again, delightful experience. We left the store with two things - coffee and vanilla body scrub for me and a Verbena perfume for Danielle. What a lovely shop and a fun shopping experience :)

Pizza - had to get some food and how could I let Danielle come to NY without getting a slice of the good stuff? We ducked into a tiny little pizza joint around the corner from Soapology, and found, much to our surprise that it seemed we had come to the right place. It was empty upon entering, but soon after filled up with hungry locals all there for a slice of cheesy grease :)

Much to my delight, Danielle was inspired to take a few shots of me holding the pizza - I'll be looking out for those shots on her flickr page or her blog - www.danielleanthony.com

Being the trooper that she is - Danielle agreed to come with me to a dinner party on Saturday night. I found this group called Lightbulb Oven that meets for a monthly dinner where Sara - the amazing chef that she is - creates morsels of goodness based on the theme of her choice.

Saturday's menu was themed around Carrots. Beat Salad with a warm goat cheese pillow and tangerines, a cauliflower soup with a lot of cream and a bit of spice, a rabbit pasta finished off with a small round delicious carrot cake with toasted carrot shavings on top. Divine!

The company we found at this dinner was as wonderful as each original dish. It was almost too good to be true - a great old friend in town and new friends to share such a warm dinner on such a freezing cold night. Loved it!

After a slightly scary cab ride home, we tucked into our beds as if they were the most welcome thing in the world.

Upon waking, we discovered that we were still a bit tired and that the weather, while a bit warmer, was still quite cold. In short we were a bit lazy.

To not entirely waste the day - we decided that we should at least walk around a shoot for a while. Here are some of the shots I captured in Kew Gardens, just up the street from my place...



Great shots and beautiful company.
Want to see her pics from NY? Follow this link - you won't regret it! http://www.flickr.com/photos/danielleanthony/sets/72157612769781580/

We finished the day off with a cup of coffee at the local cafe where Danielle met up with a "true New Yorker" and had a chat. Something I think she was tickled pink by :)

After a few drinks at the local - we tucked in for bed again.

This morning I reluctantly took Danielle to catch her flight from JFK. She will be missed, but what a great weekend we had!

New Years, Back to Paris for a Day, Boston and Back In Training - Woooo

As the title of this entry suggests the past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind...as usual. But I must say - that is how I like it. I'm still happiest when I'm burning the candle at both ends and packing as much into this life as I can.

As my Mother keeps reminding me (and thank you Mom, I need it) - it is important to take a breather every once and a while. So that is what I'm up to tonight - taking a breather to sit at home and blog about all of the crazy things I've been up to :)

New Years Eve is where I left off last. As Geoffrey and I were both without company for New Years, we decided to spend it together as Fag and Fag Hag - a close to perfect date.

We went to the only bar in Queens we could walk to without freezing along the way - The Kew Club. New friends lined the bar and the bar tenders - yes we do know five of them - were there to greet us with drinks, hats, warm smiles, and shouts of "Happy New Year!"

After meeting up with some even newer friends, we made our way to two other local spots and rang the new year in over G&Ts and dancing.
Here is a pic of Geoffrey done up in our New Years Eve gear:



Next up on the slate of recent activities is my next flight. It took off on January 1st and I unfortunately was not in the best shape for it. I hurt my back very badly the night before - I know everyone thinks just because it was New Years Eve that my injury had something to do with some depraved fun, but it didn't.
In any event I showed up for the flight and actually managed to do the flight and then forced myself into Paris because I wanted to see friends who were still on their Xmas holiday and would probably be back at work the next time I was going to be in the city.

So was it worth it? Absolutely. The flight was wonderful, everyone was very helpful and kind and I learned a lot once again. The trip into Paris that day was also totally worth it. I hadn't seen Amy or Tzu Chien for over a year and I really missed them (still do, the day with them was too short).

The only catch for the day was this - I felt like a smuggled in good. Amy and Tzu Chien live right down the street from the X so they didn't want to hang out in their own neighborhood. It made me a bit sad that once again I couldn't just hang out with my friends because of my past history with Christian.

Oh well. Perhaps, and hopefully, it will be better next time.

Ok enough about the X - some pics I took on my first trip that I forgot to put up last time. Me - the room I stay in etc.
Hope you enoy :)



So being the crazy girl who loves to travel - of course I said yes when a few days later Geoff asked me if I wanted to go to Boston with him :)

I'd never been to Boston and have wanted to go for years. It was a great idea - I Love Boston!

What did we do mostly? Party :) Here is a pic of me dancing at a club with "Greek One and Greek Two." It makes me smile that they were introduced like Dr. Suiss characters - but seriously they were really nice guys and we had a great time dancing.

Sorry it is so dark, pic captured by Geoff on his cell phone.

We did get out to see the city a bit on Friday, but it was freezing cold! So I didn't get too many great pics. Here are a couple of my favorites:


Sites of Boston:



And every morning after we hit the town the night before - one of us looked like this...



Firsts I've experienced the last few weeks - Boston, First Time in Paris Alone, First New Years in NY, First Time Shoveling Snow :), First Road Trip From NY where I got to drive back to NY and call it home!
I'd say all in all it has been a great couple of weeks.

Now I'm back in training and I must say that I'm ready to fly again. I'm more ready to just have a routine. I'm a junkie for new experiences, cultures, foods, sights and sounds - but everyone needs a home to come back to and month three of living out of a suit case...well it is starting to take its toll.

This week - finding an apt. More later and I'll keep you posted.

Hugs to everyone!

Xmas and First Trip to Paris

11 hours at JFK to get a flight back to NC - that is how much I missed my family and friends :)
Though the lines were amazing and the airport crowded with disgruntled passengers - it was totally worth being able to visit home again for a few days.

Mom arrived at the airport with sweet Natalie curled up in her lap. Perfect...
Baking the traditional family cookies with mom, visiting friends at the OCSC, bar hoping with my girlfriend Danielle - it was all just what I needed.

Here are some pics from the mellow holiday spent with friends and family that I missed and still do miss a ton -


These are two ornaments I made as a kid. Gotta say, I still love em...


Between getting to see my Dad, selling my truck and honestly spending one of the most mellow holidays I've had with my wonderful Mother - it was a fantastic Xmas.

Then I came back to NYC and moved into another crash pad - the last was a drama filled mess - and prepared for my first flight to Paris.

The flight itself was a bit crazy as I wasn't really prepared for the whirlwind of activity that happened when we boarded the plane. After the passengers arrived everyone rushed off to the galleys to make the magical service appear. Really what they can do with a two foot by two foot working space and some trolleys is incredible! I watched and tried to take it all in while learning how to carry a silver tray with champagne at 30,000 with turbulance and not spill it - all at the same time.

The details would bore, but lets just say that Airline attendants make minor miracles happen every day when they really do their thing. I'm amazed and so glad I have another flight or two to figure a few more things out before I have to do it on my own.

We arrived in Paris and after a shower and a quick sleep, I was off. Nothing, not even a long working flight was going to keep me away from the city I love so much.

Here is the fruit of my day in Paris.



So there is more to this story, but I gotta run out to New Years Eve...

xoxo to everyone

Ok so picking up where I left off.

After wandering around the hot spots - the corners of districts that really stuck with me each time I've visited this beautiful city - I needed something warm to bring the feeling back into my pink finger tips.

The blue lights of a small pub tucked down an alley way caught my eye and I was off. The bartendress was very sweet - Scotish with curley blonde hair and a warm smile. She and I chatted about the weather, football (soccer for us Americans), and what we liked about France, and England. Couldn't give my two cents on Scotland yet as I've not been there :)

She was so nice that after a bit she suggested that I come around the back of the bar and let someone take our photo. As she placed the Santa hat on my head we took up the girly hug pose for the shot and this is what turned out:


After a while I said my goodbyes at the bar and newly warmed, made my way back to Invalides to catch the bus back to Orly Ouest Terminal.

Just a day in Paris - but like the wonderful chocolates at Fuchon - a small bite goes a long way to making one very, very happy.